UNCONTROLLABLE

Finally done with my Diploma in Mass Communication course. Congratz to myself! This is an end yet is a starting point for my career journey. I'm kinda worry actually. I'm afraid there's no one will employ me as I'm just a Diploma holder which can find everywhere. I can't manage to continue my Degree straight after my Diploma due to some personal reasons. So, now I just wish I can get a permanent job with well payment.

There's a lot of things running through my mind. Words can't explain all. What I can say is "everything really changed". No matter is living things or non-living things. In these two and a half years of college's life, I faced plenty of things. Studies, I think I improved a lot and learned a lot throughout the whole Diploma. Time management, knowledge in doing research with short period of time, choosing the right person to be your groupmate, brainstorm in creative ways, trustworthiness among friends, good observation on people around me and many more. Friends? Who will have 100% trustworthiness with the friends around you? Even your best friend? As I say before, I treat everyone with my heart but what in return? Me myself got hurt at the end. I observe and observe and continue observe all people around me. Some really scary with the evil heart and some really just be friend with you to take advantages. Is this what true friend means? NO! After years, I'm not the previous Jenny which is soft-hearted. I know who am I to you all and what I'm doing with you all. I trust myself more than everything. Relationship? I think I'm always the loser in this. No matter how hard I force myself to be a superwomen which I always envy, it will always failed! Giving my true heart to the one I love but got return in pieces. Deep scar will forever here and no one can really understand how I feel. Numbers of hurts I got in previous me, this cause who am I now. I became more sensitive in love. Always afraid in something. I give my heart to you and once you hold it, dont't even lose it. Is it a difficult thing? Do you know how hard is the journey when a girl slowly walk out from that scary shadow? How much tears has been wasted on those useless guys? Toleration. This is what I can describe for my current relationship. I think this is the important for almost every couple. Do you believe true love? What about promise? Hope for future? Scare of losing?

I'm tired and I really need a rest. I really hope to go back my childhood. Everything just so pure. I still remember one of my speech in Presentation Skills Classes, "Life is just like a roller coaster". I strongly agree with this. Life is full with ups and downs. The high and low threshold represented happiness and sadness of life. Most importantly is how people make their view on it. Some people will feel excited when taking the ride on roller coaster but some are not. Life is a perpetual "roller coaster ride".

where are you?

adios

jennytienchin